Mid to Late 20's

Around my mid to late 20's, after wanding from friend to friend to friend living with multiple amounts of people that I had met online, I had developed a severe drinking problem. I was a lost soul who have only knew what is was like to suffer in life and my life was empty. I searched constantly for meaning of my existence and did not understand why I was just dead. I started going to a local karaoke bar because a friend of mine had taken me there and met a girl who then would become my "suicide" buddy. I had been a singer in high school so I was automatically attracted to other singers and she had the most amazing voice but was also a depressed person who was lost and trying to find her way in life. We spent the next several years (3-4) at the bar, almost every single day drinking and pondering and singing and laughing and killing ourselves through alcohol. We would drive home "blacked out" on the daily and even had one encounter while driving to where if we had been one second later in life (we witnessed an accident that completely decapitated the driver and passanger) we would have been those people. Yet we still didn't "wake up". I was living with my high school best friend at the time and she was on disability and I also was on disability from having been paralyzed and my drinking buddy and I would take her car all the time (with her permission of course) and drink and drive. I regret those days. To think of how many people I could have killed because I was "lost and depressed and selfish". I had very little faith in god at this point but I knew life had to get better. Eventually my friend moved and I had moved out of my high school friends house as well. I decided that in my late 20's, I wanted to find purpose. I had been back and forth in AA this whole time (struggling to find any way to get answers for my life) and decided that I wanted to learn my body. I went to massage therapy school at the Arizona School of Massage therapy where I did an intense training for 7 months until I graduated. I learned not only about my body but became more in touch with my spirituality again through it. I knew that god was what I wanted in my life and that's all I cared about after that. I got a bill collecting job, where I stayed for a year and a half just doing routine things and not really drinking all that much. I did however decide to go to my cousins wedding. That was where I got my DUI in life. I had worked a 12 hour day and hadn't eaten much. I was extremely tired and was only able to show up for the reception. I ended up having some drinks and going driving after blacking out and I finally got caught. That was the last day, that I EVER drove drunk. I spent time in jail and realized my life, how many innocent people I could have killed. What if I killed a child? I would be a murderer and I don't believe in killing. I was released from jail and told to pay the fines but with no job and bieng mentally disabled, I just struggled to do so. My focus became to search for different churches that I wanted but still just could not find a pastor/church that I felt really connected with until last year. I had been let go right after the economy fell and filed unemployment and moved from phoenix to tucson (where my aunt lived) and stayed with her for a bit in hopes to find a job/church to go to. We ended up finding a neat church called "thecoolchurch" that had this band with the pastor in it and they would write their own songs based on the sermon for the day. It was a really neat church but I still didn't feel anything. A friend of mine had told me about moving to san diego, ca where he was and how much he loved life there and all these positive things he had going on and I decided well maybe san diego is for me. So I moved to san diego in november of 09 just to check it out and see if I liked it. In fact, I did like it. I fell in love. For three months that I stayed there, i got a sense of community for the first time ever, people would stop me on the streets and ask how my day was, everyone around was just generally happy and it was SO different from phoenix or tucson where everyone was mainly hot and miserable. I ended up going to this little church in mission hills where I would go to church. I had found my church. It was a little church tucked away where generations of families had gone and the pastor knew everyone. Right as I walked inside, you could just feel this amazing feeling of hope and love. I went up to the pastor and asked her "I have been waiting all my life to get baptized and ask forgiveness by god, will you be the one to baptize me" and she turned to me and smiled and said "yes, i will". So that is what I did. I went to church that following week and became a methodist taking communion and accepting jesus into my heart. Not too long after that though, I became mentally ill and not bieng around my family or friends I felt alone and scared. The friend I had in high school that I lived with through my alcoholic phase had called me up from arizona and told me that a health problem that she had been sturggling with since high school, she had a chance to fix but needed my help. I decided to move back home. When I got back there and moved in with her, I fell into a deep depression again. I had seen what it was like to live around happy people, a community and faith in god. I was now back into a godless community and around people that had nothing but problems all around me. I spent a good 6-8 months laying around, neglecting my health, my spirituality, and my life and she hadn't gone to this program so I ended up moving out. I decided to test a theory I had come up with on how to help the world. I called up my friend and said let's test this theory and see if we can make some money. It was to go to storage unit auctions and buy the units and sort through them and sell the items on craigslist/ebay/ and organizing yard sales. Sure enough, I had doubled the money invested. Another friend of mine called me up (my old drinking buddy) and I told her that where I was living was just not good for my health both physically and mentally and she was telling me of financial problems she was having because she was not working and her mother, whom was mentally disabled that she housed and cared for lost her job. I told her that I would come live with her to get her back on her feet so her son would be able to have a good christmas. So that is what I did. I moved in her house and slept on her couch. This is where my 30's comes in... Which I am 30 as of August 3rd, 2010.