Late Teenage Years

I was about 16-17 when I moved into my aunts house under the condition that I either go back to school or get a job. So I tried enrolling myself into Mountain View High School where not even a week or two later I was expelled for piercing my eyebrow during class with a safety pin and wearing the safety pin in my eye all day long. The principal told me to take it out or just not come back and being the rebellious child I told him to fuck off. For the next couple years I just worked p/t and partied with my aunt. She was an alcoholic so most of the times on her days off, I would be designated the babysitter over her kids but also driver to and from the bar. She would have keg parties at least once a month and have afterhour parties every other weekend. That's where alot of my sexual addiction started to kick in. She would have these afterhours parties and I would go have sex with these 30-40 year old guys while they went and partied. At about 19 we ended up moving into a single wide trailer where a friend of hers had moved in as well. It was me and her friend in one room in the back, and her two kids in a room in the mid section, and her room up front. Thats when I started my methamphetamine addiction. I had just got back in touch with my high school sweetheart who had been trying to hang out with me for a long time but I constantly blew her off because she had left me for another man (who she ended up marrying) but I decided to hang out with her and we started doing meth. My aunts friend knew a few people that were methamphetamine dealers as well as slammers so it was not hard to get. I spent about two or three months doing meth with them on a constant basis. In order to get the money to do so, my high school sweetheart would create these "missions" to get more money where she would essentially commit check fraud and go to grocery stores and take out the max amount that she could write over on the check. She then would alter her check stubs to apply for loans to get more money. Over the course of those two or three months she had put a debt of about 8000 dollars in which we used for our addiction. We did not sleep but maybe once a week then and were constantly hallucinating. We would drive all over the place with meth in the car and go gambling alot. Our brains were "tweeked". We all had skin and bones on our bodies and faces emaciated. We all were angry and cared about nobody. When we spoke to people, our eyes rolled back into our head and we made no sense to anyone that was sober. I'm certain we should have overdosed and a part of me was hoping for that. I wanted to do that, but it never happened. I always woke up when I slept. This one time, our drug dealer had told us that he needed to go move his stuff because he was being watched so my aunts friend, me and my drug dealers wife went and packed up his stuff at his house. His house was rigged to where if you opened the door or tried breaking through the window, you would slice yourself open because there were swords that lined the area. His entire house was lined with weapons. While we were doing that he was at my house with my high school sweetheart holding a gun to her head and fucking her brains out on my aunts bed. I later learned that he ended up in jail because his baby had got ahold of one of his injection needles and overdosed on meth. I guess his karma got him in the end. Not too long after that, I ended up moving out and a friend of mine had suggested that he learned alot of life meaning through hitchhiking back in the 80's and suggested I do the same, so I did. I took a backpack and filled it with clothes and I left for the open road. I was immediately picked up by a guy that told me that anything I wanted and needed would be taken care of from now on and It occurred to me that I was gonna have to pay for that. I didn't care though, I was on the road and gonna see different places. I told the guy I wanted to go to san francisco and he assured me that was on his route and that he just had to go to Seattle, Utah, Colorado, and El Paso first but then he was going up there. So, being open minded, I decided to go along. I remember the first time the guy molested me. I had tried to go to sleep in the back of the truck and he stopped at a rest stop and came in back of the truck and tried to start kissing me. I pulled away and he pulled down his pants and told me that I needed to "earn" my keep. He pulled down my pants and just started fucking me until he came. He was fat, nasty, and sweaty and all I did was sit and wonder "why does this happen to me". I thought alot of God and the Devil on this trip, but as I went through those cities, it happened more and more. For some reason I was afraid to leave him. He would give me hundred after hundred after hundred to spend on whatever I liked and I knew if I left that, I would be all alone with no money, no food, and no water. We ended up in in Anthony New Mexico where he told me that his family business was there. We stopped there and then he told me that he needed to go through Kansas City, Missouri before heading back north to San Francisco, so I went with. While I was at a stop I had gone and took a shower bringing just an outfit to change into after I showered and when I came out, he was gone. I was left with absolutely nothing but the clothes I was wearing. I was lost, scared, lonley and in the middle of a state where I could easily be picked up and killed. I sat down and just started crying when a couple came up to me and asked me what was wrong. I told them the story and they said that they were heading to El Paso and that they would be able to drive me to that point. I agreed. They were a funny couple. They were 100 percent religious people that were constantly quoting from the bible but they had a little twist. They believed that God had sent them methamphetamine for their long journeys. They had the exact science down on how to make sure all your vitamins were in tact and still stayed healthy. One of the most important things I remember about that trip was their concept of God and Satan. The guy told me that "fear is the ONLY way satan has control over you". They said that God is the one that blesses you with things and Satan is the one that takes those things away. After they had dropped me off in El Paso, I had a long walk to walk to Anthony, New Mexico where before dropping me off in the middle of nowhere, the guy had shown me his homebase family business. He had told me that if his family ever was to find out that he was gay, he would lose the business. SO, that's where I headed to get my stuff back. I ended up making it to my destination where I told his family the scenario of what he had done to me and he called the guy up and he met up with me and gave me my backpack back and had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to join him again. At that point, I had just wanted to go home. So I did. Back to arizona. After coming back, I moved back into my aunts house where, when I was 19 years old got caught shoplifting while working at macy's and ended up in jail for a little bit of time. This is where my early 20's comes about