Hopes for my 30's

After my birthday, came the winter time. I was again still depressed because I was doing nothing in life with no actual real motivation. I had no faith at all again and started drinking alot. My health started to suffer and my insanity arose. I was stressed out and only started thinking about wanting to find god again. Be back in that place that made me so happy. I kept telling myself over and over that I just have to get through the holidays to be with my family and then I would be back by new years. November came, and I recieved a call. My great uncle, who I lived with as a child, had developed early stages of Altzheimer's and had fell and was in the hospital with a subdural hemotoma. They didn't expect him to come out of it and this would be his death. I went to the hospital, where all the family was stressed and saw him and discussed all the options and it was a big ordeal for the family. This is the first of our actual family members to die. They started stressing out but had the plan to just let him go. To make a long story short, my family ended up saying to really hateful mean things and I was personally having issues coming back to me of my childhood abuse so I said hateful things back and realized that EVERYTHING my family has EVER taught me in life, was wrong. I looked at everyone of my family members and they were just as hateful and selfish as I had lived. They were the reason I was lost and angry at the world. I decided to end my relationship with my family and not talk to any of them anymore. Thanksgiving came, and it was hard. I was around a family but I had never been away from my own and by the time christmas rolled around, I told my friend, I have to go back to san diego now. A week before christmas with NO SAVINGS and only three or four weeks left of unemployment, I needed to do this now if I was to ever go back. Arizona's funding was getting cut and I was cut off my insurance so my health was fading as well. I took what I had and I left. That is where I am now. I moved into this place called the friendship hotel, and it has been an absolute nightmare. My floors have caved in on me, I have no shower/bathroom in my room. No stove and only a mini fridge and microwave. I have cockroaches and mildew/mold and it is costing me every penny I have to be here. I eat one penut butter and jelly a day to keep alive and live around tons of noisy drug addicts with kids. But I am back! my tcell count is about 56 (AIDS STATUS) and my viral load is almost a half a million. My chest is congested with possibly an infection and my body is weak. I am frantically running around making apointments for councilors/psychiatrist and doctors and organizations hoping that I will be able to get energy soon so I may get a job because in two weeks my unemployment will end and I will go to a shelter. But I have my faith back. I went to church on christmas eve and saw my pastor and plan on doing that every sunday. When I get through all this insanity I also have the plan. I will seek investing to create a thrift store through the technique I described in arizona and create a "free section" that will help out any single mother/cancer/aids/homeless person in need of basic necessities in life. I know what it is like to struggle and my life's mission is to ease that strife for others. I will not stop or die until it happens. That is my life mission. I hope it get's big enough to expand to every major city in the USA. This will help with the economy and give back to communities all based on others losses. I hope this to be my contibution to balance.